Fo srsly, I can't do this. I'm supposed to be missing a period this month in order to fix my baby-making parts in order to make babies. BUT I'm just so cranky and bloated and shit and gross.
My throat hurts. I need a cuddle.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Dramas
I went to my friend's funeral yesterday. I started to get mad at the celebrant talking about B, but then he soothed me. I suppose that's his job. I felt like quite a hypocrite , getting mad at people on Facebook talking about B and not knowing her and then letting this guy who REALLY didn't know her tell everyone about her.
He's good at his job.
Anyway he said something about letting B's death teach us to let go of everything that has the opportunity to poison our soul, or something. I thought of my God damn parents and how fucked up they're making my soul. Can I let go of them? No. But I can *try* to let go of what they do to me. I wish I could *actually* let go of them, like you would an ordinary relationship with a friend or lover. Parents are so fucked up. No one wants them but most of us have to put up with them. Then when you do leave them they get all needy and calling you.
Felix, K and I are all pissed at our parents. My parent troubles are nothing compared to Felix's. Felix's dad hasn't lived with his family since he was 4. He works O/S and it seemed like it worked really well for his family. Felix's mum is kinda extreme so I always thought "yeah, I'd do what E does too. Live OS and only have to put up with my extreme wife in doses." But while Felix was still in NZ he came on MSN and said that he needed to tell me something, but in person.
I asked him what he wanted to tell me the other day and he went all quiet. It turns out his dad has been cheating on his mum for years with various women. This didn't suprise anyone, of course. But what really upset Felix is that his mum told him that she once wrote a letter, because one of E's mistresses was planning to kill her. Felix has always felt the need to look after his mum and seeing her scared for her life just cracked him.
She's still not leaving E, though. She hasn't had a job since Felix was young and I suppose she's scared of being alone with no money. Felix's nanna doesn't even know and M is really close to her. It would kill her.
So I really don't have much to complain about when I think of Felix's parents. Sure, my mum cheated on my dad. But that was a good 19 years ago. My dad refers to my mum as "the slut". It breaks my heart.
I wish they'd be civil for my brother.
He's good at his job.
Anyway he said something about letting B's death teach us to let go of everything that has the opportunity to poison our soul, or something. I thought of my God damn parents and how fucked up they're making my soul. Can I let go of them? No. But I can *try* to let go of what they do to me. I wish I could *actually* let go of them, like you would an ordinary relationship with a friend or lover. Parents are so fucked up. No one wants them but most of us have to put up with them. Then when you do leave them they get all needy and calling you.
Felix, K and I are all pissed at our parents. My parent troubles are nothing compared to Felix's. Felix's dad hasn't lived with his family since he was 4. He works O/S and it seemed like it worked really well for his family. Felix's mum is kinda extreme so I always thought "yeah, I'd do what E does too. Live OS and only have to put up with my extreme wife in doses." But while Felix was still in NZ he came on MSN and said that he needed to tell me something, but in person.
I asked him what he wanted to tell me the other day and he went all quiet. It turns out his dad has been cheating on his mum for years with various women. This didn't suprise anyone, of course. But what really upset Felix is that his mum told him that she once wrote a letter, because one of E's mistresses was planning to kill her. Felix has always felt the need to look after his mum and seeing her scared for her life just cracked him.
She's still not leaving E, though. She hasn't had a job since Felix was young and I suppose she's scared of being alone with no money. Felix's nanna doesn't even know and M is really close to her. It would kill her.
So I really don't have much to complain about when I think of Felix's parents. Sure, my mum cheated on my dad. But that was a good 19 years ago. My dad refers to my mum as "the slut". It breaks my heart.
I wish they'd be civil for my brother.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Update
Kay, so I didn't die, as much as you wish I did. A good friend of mine died on the 27th of December, though. So don't be so fucking insensitive.
Okay, so she was a best-friend's sister. But in the small town I grew up with it didn't matter how old they were, they're still your friends.
B died in a car accident with her two sisters in the car. The sister who is my age was driving. It's really tragic because it's not her fault. B wasn't wearing her seatbelt because they'd only just started driving. G wasn't speeding nor drinking. It's just a really tragic accident. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm going to look like a pig. I have a job interview before the funeral so they're going to think I'm gothic.
Perhaps they won't think I'm gothic. I looked in the mirror the other morning and squealed. I had a good 14 grey hairs just in the spot where hair turns to fringe. I cracked the shits and decided I would bleech the fuck out of my hair.
...
Still deciding if it was a mistake... It's kind of orange, but it's possibly an awesome orange? It kind of hurts my eyes to look at so I'm thinking sometime next week I'll put another blonde through it to make it look normal blonde. If my hair falls out... Well. I can pretend I shaved it for cancer or something.
So I've pretty much got two jobs. One is at Safeway and one is at McDonalds. Undeseriable, I know. What can you do in these uncertain times? Nothing. That's what you can do. I've always seemed to like my time at McDonalds so that should be okay. I'm kind of nervous about working at Safeway though. They seem to be very... Strict.
We'll see which one has the most money in it and go for it anyway! Both places are only able to give me 20 hours each so it's not like I'll be weird about working two jobs. I just hope they don't get jealous and fight with eachother.
Why can't everyone just get along???
Okay, so she was a best-friend's sister. But in the small town I grew up with it didn't matter how old they were, they're still your friends.
B died in a car accident with her two sisters in the car. The sister who is my age was driving. It's really tragic because it's not her fault. B wasn't wearing her seatbelt because they'd only just started driving. G wasn't speeding nor drinking. It's just a really tragic accident. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm going to look like a pig. I have a job interview before the funeral so they're going to think I'm gothic.
Perhaps they won't think I'm gothic. I looked in the mirror the other morning and squealed. I had a good 14 grey hairs just in the spot where hair turns to fringe. I cracked the shits and decided I would bleech the fuck out of my hair.
...
Still deciding if it was a mistake... It's kind of orange, but it's possibly an awesome orange? It kind of hurts my eyes to look at so I'm thinking sometime next week I'll put another blonde through it to make it look normal blonde. If my hair falls out... Well. I can pretend I shaved it for cancer or something.
So I've pretty much got two jobs. One is at Safeway and one is at McDonalds. Undeseriable, I know. What can you do in these uncertain times? Nothing. That's what you can do. I've always seemed to like my time at McDonalds so that should be okay. I'm kind of nervous about working at Safeway though. They seem to be very... Strict.
We'll see which one has the most money in it and go for it anyway! Both places are only able to give me 20 hours each so it's not like I'll be weird about working two jobs. I just hope they don't get jealous and fight with eachother.
Why can't everyone just get along???
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Abandonment Issues
If you have them, please stop reading my blog.
So, things that have happened. I've come home sans Felix. I've got an imaginary polyp in my nose. I've applied for 40 different jobs only to be disappointed.
Okay, imaginary polyp.
I went to the doctors today about a polyp that has come back after a year. It's the same thing that I had diagnosed last year that never fully went away, but it's inflammed again and it's very sore. It's giving me some shocking hayfever symptoms and my nose is swollen.
He can't *see* it.
I can fucking see it with my naked eye! what the fuck is wrong with him? He was using a nose-looking-into-machine and I said to him that he's touching it and is looking past it. Doesn't listen.
Arrogant arsehole. He also jabbed me with cervical cancer vaccine. It hurt.
So tired and sick and angry. Felix is coming back on the 30th. I hope I get a job soon.
So, things that have happened. I've come home sans Felix. I've got an imaginary polyp in my nose. I've applied for 40 different jobs only to be disappointed.
Okay, imaginary polyp.
I went to the doctors today about a polyp that has come back after a year. It's the same thing that I had diagnosed last year that never fully went away, but it's inflammed again and it's very sore. It's giving me some shocking hayfever symptoms and my nose is swollen.
He can't *see* it.
I can fucking see it with my naked eye! what the fuck is wrong with him? He was using a nose-looking-into-machine and I said to him that he's touching it and is looking past it. Doesn't listen.
Arrogant arsehole. He also jabbed me with cervical cancer vaccine. It hurt.
So tired and sick and angry. Felix is coming back on the 30th. I hope I get a job soon.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Mistake...
I tried something out with food... I tried to convince myself it was nice through tears of pain due to the eating of this thing.
I regret it now. Gut malfunction.
I regret it now. Gut malfunction.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Things I'm looking forward to, in bullet point form.
- Christmas with my family, even though it's broken. I just can't wait to see them.
- Giving all the wonderful presents I brought to everyone. I'm a big presents person. Not for me - I love buying them for everyone.
- Going camping with my dad and my brother. I can't wait to relax and read a nice book by the river.
- hanging out with old friends and catching up.
- Going to Sydney with my mum to see all of my cousins. Two of whom are pregnant.
- Playing Singstar with my best friend J
- Working on Sunday's at my best friend J's business (she gave me a job, THAT'S a friend.)
- Applying for new and exciting jobs
- Meeting new friends at new and exciting jobs
- Living with Felix and K in our OWN house with our OWN things doing our OWN thing
- Seeing my grandma and giving her the magnet I got her in Dubai, that's her thing.
- Eating Mr Whippy icecreams in the sun
- Going swimming in the pool with my brother
- Seeing my brother
- Seeing my brother play sport
- Seeing my brother's new girlfriend
- Seeing my brother
- Seeing my brother
- Seeing my brother (I miss him)
- Wearing my cool new bathing suit which is teh sex
- Getting drunk with my mum... Most nights
- Sitting in the AC lounge eating icy poles and watching trash TV
- Seeing everyone
Monday, December 1, 2008
Hooray!
Hooray for December!
Hooray for being home soon!
Hooray for Christmas!
Hooray for me feeling sick as a dog...
Perhaps it's all in my mind though. I have 2 more shifts at work and I just really really don't want to go. I just want it to be over already! Coupled with my narcissistic "illness" I've got the sorest feet! They've never been so sore! I've been in tears over it and I can't sleep at night. I beg to be sent home from work but they just won't let me.
Is that illegal? I can't wait to be home in my own country where I know when things are illegal or not.
Speaking of illegal, I was thinking of becoming a surrogate mother. Perfect for me, since I get to be pregnant without the responsibility of a child! Then I realised that coupled with the fact that I would want the baby way too much by the end of the 9 months, it's illegal in Victoria.
Stink.
Hooray for being home soon!
Hooray for Christmas!
Hooray for me feeling sick as a dog...
Perhaps it's all in my mind though. I have 2 more shifts at work and I just really really don't want to go. I just want it to be over already! Coupled with my narcissistic "illness" I've got the sorest feet! They've never been so sore! I've been in tears over it and I can't sleep at night. I beg to be sent home from work but they just won't let me.
Is that illegal? I can't wait to be home in my own country where I know when things are illegal or not.
Speaking of illegal, I was thinking of becoming a surrogate mother. Perfect for me, since I get to be pregnant without the responsibility of a child! Then I realised that coupled with the fact that I would want the baby way too much by the end of the 9 months, it's illegal in Victoria.
Stink.
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