Okay, so it's been 1 day since I had an operation so please excuse me if I'm making no sense. They gave me some lovely painkillers which was just lovely of them.

And I don't believe in proof reading. If I didn't type it right the first time than it obviously wasn't that important.


....


I finally feel like I have my life in order! Felix has *finally* got a job as a trainee manager at a large international company which is just so fucking exciting. He looks so sexy in a suit.

AND I enrolled in a graphic design course. I'm going to have a degree! A diploma and perhaps in the future a BACHELOR!

I'm just so happy. My life is going in the direction I wanted it to go from the start. And plus my hair looks pretty fab at the moment I must say... Well... Not at this moment. Since I've pretty much been asleep for 2 or 3 days? I'm not sure.

Incase you're wondering, the doctor said my scar tissue blah blah personal bits are all stuck together so she's putting me in MENOPAUSE? for 6 months with the Mirena IUD. It's so confusing but I'm not going to question her as she should know what she's doing.

It hurts. I'm going to lay down for a while now. Ta!

Oh my effing GOD

Fo srsly, I can't do this. I'm supposed to be missing a period this month in order to fix my baby-making parts in order to make babies. BUT I'm just so cranky and bloated and shit and gross.

My throat hurts. I need a cuddle.

Exercise.

Everyone talks about how this act of "exercise" creates some kind of invigoration and releases endorphins, making you feel more energetic and less depressed.

Well, I don't feel it. It may be the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but shit. I just feel FUCKED after I exercise. My depression has spiraled in the past couple of weeks, when I've been going to the gym more. I've cried at work twice in 2 weeks because of stress.

I don't think the exercise thing is working on me.

The problem might be that I work too hard at it? My heart rate gets up to 29 (in 10 seconds I think) and the instructor tells me to settle down. If I do less, I feel lazy. There's 80yos there working their butts off and I'm supposed to be settling down, it doesn't sound right.

So I have a fast heart rate maybe, is there something I can do about that?

I'm not losing any weight, but I am feeling skinnier so I don't want to leave it just yet. I just don't want to be tired anymore.

'Night

Wahhh!!

I'm hysterical.

My ovaries are definitely *NOT* laying rainbows. They're laying nasty eggs full of death of failure. And it HURTS!

Sometimes, I hate so much being a woman. I'm due this week, this week I am also scheduled to work 6 DAYS in a FUCKING row. So what am I supposed to do? I told them that I can't work that much in a row because I *will* get sick due to CFS. So they are trying to get me a day or two off, but it will end up me calling in sick.

I don't like calling in sick. I may be a lazy fat-arse with a lack of morals, but I just don't like putting people out. Even though I work in an industry where most people can learn how to do what I do in one 8 hour period it just feels wrong that other people have to catch my arse. You know?

You know.

But it's going to have to happen. I'm already in excruciating pain and the show hasn't even begun. People haven't even started lining up outside yet. The tickets haven't even been sold.

That doesn't mean that I'm not having menses contraptions that even birthing women are hard up on.

So. I'm going to have to call in sick again this week. I did last week for my faux-apendicitiis. Shit.

Maybe if I talk to my supervisor it will be okay. She was really cool about the CFS and went out of her way to fix up my hours. All the girls bitch about her at work, it's so schoolish. Maybe because I'm older and wiser I understand that she's not a bitch if you don't treat her like shit.

She's pretty nice to me and my ills.

Sorry about the period post. Deal with it.

Roar

So, today started off fairly shitfully. I woke up at 4 in the fucking afternoon which just shits me so much. When I was younger it was a badge of honor, but now it just feels like such a waste of time. Today was supposed to be mine and Felixes day of sexy-sexy time, but we wasted a lot of it.

I still feel really sick, but it comes and goes so sexy-sexy time can still be for filled. Tomorrow will have to be library time, but I also want to do something else cool. Felix suggested rock-climbing but I don't think it would be a smart thing to do while I'm recovering.

And anyway, I want to look pretty.

Maybe we'll go see a movie. We saw Hancock and I thought it was cool, even though I was rolling around in pain at the time.

Books I want to read

1. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
2. The last Harry Potter but fuck knows what it's called?
3. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
4. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
5. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
   

This is all for now.

I just got home from the hospital and have been diagnosed with inflammation of the stomach lining? The fuck? Anyway, it's coming back pretty bad right now. Feels like apendancididitisis.

On the plus side, I have tomorrow off and can go to the library! Hooray!