Dramas

I went to my friend's funeral yesterday. I started to get mad at the celebrant talking about B, but then he soothed me. I suppose that's his job. I felt like quite a hypocrite , getting mad at people on Facebook talking about B and not knowing her and then letting this guy who REALLY didn't know her tell everyone about her.

He's good at his job.

Anyway he said something about letting B's death teach us to let go of everything that has the opportunity to poison our soul, or something. I thought of my God damn parents and how fucked up they're making my soul. Can I let go of them? No. But I can *try* to let go of what they do to me. I wish I could *actually* let go of them, like you would an ordinary relationship with a friend or lover. Parents are so fucked up. No one wants them but most of us have to put up with them. Then when you do leave them they get all needy and calling you.

Felix, K and I are all pissed at our parents. My parent troubles are nothing compared to Felix's. Felix's dad hasn't lived with his family since he was 4. He works O/S and it seemed like it worked really well for his family. Felix's mum is kinda extreme so I always thought "yeah, I'd do what E does too. Live OS and only have to put up with my extreme wife in doses." But while Felix was still in NZ he came on MSN and said that he needed to tell me something, but in person.

I asked him what he wanted to tell me the other day and he went all quiet. It turns out his dad has been cheating on his mum for years with various women. This didn't suprise anyone, of course. But what really upset Felix is that his mum told him that she once wrote a letter, because one of E's mistresses was planning to kill her. Felix has always felt the need to look after his mum and seeing her scared for her life just cracked him.

She's still not leaving E, though. She hasn't had a job since Felix was young and I suppose she's scared of being alone with no money. Felix's nanna doesn't even know and M is really close to her. It would kill her.

So I really don't have much to complain about when I think of Felix's parents. Sure, my mum cheated on my dad. But that was a good 19 years ago. My dad refers to my mum as "the slut". It breaks my heart.

I wish they'd be civil for my brother.