Family Ishews

I think Felix is close to proposing to me. The last couple of weeks he's been bringing up things that he normally wouldn't and trying to act all normal about it. It's got me thinking about my dad who hates my boyfriend with a passion. It's really sad, but that's my dad and that's who he's always been. Felix and I have been together since I was 15 and I've always thought he would just accept it by now; it seems like he never will.

For my 21st birthday my dad told me that if my mum was there then he wouldn't come. I consequently had a small and unimpressive (so unlike me) birthday party due to depression and anxiety not being able to please everyone. My mum said that she wouldn't come so that dad could but seriously? Fuck that. He's the one who said he wouldn't come and why should my mum suffer.

It was nice but it was understated which is not what I'm about.

So now the next big event of my 20s is in my mind- my wedding. I can tell you right now that my dad will not come. I go through phases of just not caring at all and displacing myself from the reality that my dad hates my boyfriend and my mum and it seems like it's mainly because I used to live with my mum and I currently live with my boyfriend. If it was up to my dad I'd live with him. Even now.

Jake is my 15 year old brother and I feel so guilty for leaving him with my dad, even though his custody is nothing to do with me. Mum and dad are supposed to have 50/50 custody but dad only allows him to come to mum's house every 2nd weekend. Mum doesn't want to cause waves and upset Jake while he's in highschool but I can tell it's fucking with him.

How am I supposed to deal with the guilt of thinking my dad will kill himself when I announce mine and Felixs' engagement (I'm not even overstating here- he was once missing and had a gun on his person). How am I supposed to deal with the guilt of leaving my little brother with someone who is mentally unfit?

I know what you're thinking. You don't deal with it because you shouldn't be feeling guilty at all. I know that but the fact is; I do feel guilty.

Perhaps I should go and see someone professional instead of whinging on the interwebs. At any rate- Jake said he'd "bash" dad for me if he was shit at my wedding. He's a good brother.

My 14yo brother, from the computer:

Him: "Why is there RedTube and Xtube and stuff in the history?"

Me: "I've been stalking the fuck out of Tom Gaylord to find his facial video."

Him: "Ok."

My family is used to me.

Father

So, my dad hates Felix.

It's not just an ordionary hatred of your daughters boy friend, it's way more. He *hates* him. He told me, about 2 months ago this is, that I wasn't to bring Felix to his house anymore. I didn't answer him. He went out, Felix and I packed up our things and left.

For 1 month we didn't talk at all. I fully expected a phone call and a sincere WTF from him, but I didn't. I figured that he understood that he upset me and was letting me cool off.

So after this we start talking again, he comes and sees me at work etc. One day I mention Felix and he goes *very* quiet. "Okay", I think "You don't want to be hearing about him, I won't discuss him with you".

Then comes this opportunity to go to Dubai, because Felix got an awesome job. I tell dad we're going *soon* and he goes quiet again, but I assume he has heard me, and I go on my merry way.

Cut to this week, dad calls up and says "wanna have tea on Friday night?" And I say, "Well, Daddy. I think Felix and I are going to Dubai this week, so that won't be possible."

Que shit-storm. Dad goes nuts. Not only at me, but when my mum went to pick up my brother my dad cornered her and went nuts at her too. So now she's upset and wants me to make happy with him before we leave. FUCK THAT! I'm not going to reward him for calling my boyfriend a CUNT!

Would you, if your parent hated your lover to the core, act happy with them?

It's not only that he hates Felix so much, he also refers to my mother as "The Slut". I don't take kindly to people being rude to the people I love most, I don't care how much you hate them, you love them because I do.

And now I'm moving a million miles away. Fuck him.

Woot!

For almost everything! I pwned Christmas shopping late last night. My friend J gets a t-shirt with "White Flour!" written on it and my brother gets a t-shirt with "save gas, ride the handicapped" on it. I can't believe I didn't think of t-shirt hell before now.

Although I feel like their stock has gotten less funny. Not enough updates if you ask me. I haven't been on that site in forever and they still haven't updated the baby clothes. I like the baby clothes.

Woot for Obama also! I cried a little, mainly because I'm quite sick. That's the un-woot bit. Glandular fever is reering it's ugly head- again. Work doesn't like me being there because of it, which sucks because I need to be earning money.

I've been asleep almost all day, waking up to the election every now and then. It sounds sad but it actually kinda rocked.

So happy.

Why Do You Foresake Me?

I had the most vivid dream last night. I was pregnant, but not heavily pregnant. Enough for people to notice. Instead of having a nice bump I was just kind of ugly and fat, but none the less I was thrilled. I was pregnant at the same time as a friend, maybe a sister, I'm not sure. We were close. It might have been my cousin. She asked me, when I come back to Australia, whether I can please save her. I said yes.

So I've not been up long and I'm worried about my cousin. And upset to find I'm not pregnant.

I'm going to have a shower.