Masochistism

I realise now why I can't not go through normal womanly monthly stuff without getting aggressive and depressed. I am a masochist.

Not in a creepy, sexual way. Not that I've ever tried BDSM or anything like that, it just doesn't really interest me. I like to be dominated but not humiliated.

I had a blood test last week sometime and I was reading on the wall what to do so that you don't get a bruise. So, for development purposes, I did the opposite. I went for a jog (OMG for a start!) I did some digging motions with my arm, I walked the dog, etc. I got a whopper of a bruise on my arm! It's the fricken AWESOME! I love it!

And I get sad thinking it will go away... I don't want to get into specifics but when Aunt Flo is visiting I am so very happy and exhausted and in pain. I'm so relieved. I guess the only reason I want it *fixed* is because I feel like I *have* to. I don't want to be barron and I don't want to be crippled, but is it okay that for now I love it?