Fo srsly, I can't do this. I'm supposed to be missing a period this month in order to fix my baby-making parts in order to make babies. BUT I'm just so cranky and bloated and shit and gross.
My throat hurts. I need a cuddle.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Dramas
I went to my friend's funeral yesterday. I started to get mad at the celebrant talking about B, but then he soothed me. I suppose that's his job. I felt like quite a hypocrite , getting mad at people on Facebook talking about B and not knowing her and then letting this guy who REALLY didn't know her tell everyone about her.
He's good at his job.
Anyway he said something about letting B's death teach us to let go of everything that has the opportunity to poison our soul, or something. I thought of my God damn parents and how fucked up they're making my soul. Can I let go of them? No. But I can *try* to let go of what they do to me. I wish I could *actually* let go of them, like you would an ordinary relationship with a friend or lover. Parents are so fucked up. No one wants them but most of us have to put up with them. Then when you do leave them they get all needy and calling you.
Felix, K and I are all pissed at our parents. My parent troubles are nothing compared to Felix's. Felix's dad hasn't lived with his family since he was 4. He works O/S and it seemed like it worked really well for his family. Felix's mum is kinda extreme so I always thought "yeah, I'd do what E does too. Live OS and only have to put up with my extreme wife in doses." But while Felix was still in NZ he came on MSN and said that he needed to tell me something, but in person.
I asked him what he wanted to tell me the other day and he went all quiet. It turns out his dad has been cheating on his mum for years with various women. This didn't suprise anyone, of course. But what really upset Felix is that his mum told him that she once wrote a letter, because one of E's mistresses was planning to kill her. Felix has always felt the need to look after his mum and seeing her scared for her life just cracked him.
She's still not leaving E, though. She hasn't had a job since Felix was young and I suppose she's scared of being alone with no money. Felix's nanna doesn't even know and M is really close to her. It would kill her.
So I really don't have much to complain about when I think of Felix's parents. Sure, my mum cheated on my dad. But that was a good 19 years ago. My dad refers to my mum as "the slut". It breaks my heart.
I wish they'd be civil for my brother.
He's good at his job.
Anyway he said something about letting B's death teach us to let go of everything that has the opportunity to poison our soul, or something. I thought of my God damn parents and how fucked up they're making my soul. Can I let go of them? No. But I can *try* to let go of what they do to me. I wish I could *actually* let go of them, like you would an ordinary relationship with a friend or lover. Parents are so fucked up. No one wants them but most of us have to put up with them. Then when you do leave them they get all needy and calling you.
Felix, K and I are all pissed at our parents. My parent troubles are nothing compared to Felix's. Felix's dad hasn't lived with his family since he was 4. He works O/S and it seemed like it worked really well for his family. Felix's mum is kinda extreme so I always thought "yeah, I'd do what E does too. Live OS and only have to put up with my extreme wife in doses." But while Felix was still in NZ he came on MSN and said that he needed to tell me something, but in person.
I asked him what he wanted to tell me the other day and he went all quiet. It turns out his dad has been cheating on his mum for years with various women. This didn't suprise anyone, of course. But what really upset Felix is that his mum told him that she once wrote a letter, because one of E's mistresses was planning to kill her. Felix has always felt the need to look after his mum and seeing her scared for her life just cracked him.
She's still not leaving E, though. She hasn't had a job since Felix was young and I suppose she's scared of being alone with no money. Felix's nanna doesn't even know and M is really close to her. It would kill her.
So I really don't have much to complain about when I think of Felix's parents. Sure, my mum cheated on my dad. But that was a good 19 years ago. My dad refers to my mum as "the slut". It breaks my heart.
I wish they'd be civil for my brother.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Update
Kay, so I didn't die, as much as you wish I did. A good friend of mine died on the 27th of December, though. So don't be so fucking insensitive.
Okay, so she was a best-friend's sister. But in the small town I grew up with it didn't matter how old they were, they're still your friends.
B died in a car accident with her two sisters in the car. The sister who is my age was driving. It's really tragic because it's not her fault. B wasn't wearing her seatbelt because they'd only just started driving. G wasn't speeding nor drinking. It's just a really tragic accident. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm going to look like a pig. I have a job interview before the funeral so they're going to think I'm gothic.
Perhaps they won't think I'm gothic. I looked in the mirror the other morning and squealed. I had a good 14 grey hairs just in the spot where hair turns to fringe. I cracked the shits and decided I would bleech the fuck out of my hair.
...
Still deciding if it was a mistake... It's kind of orange, but it's possibly an awesome orange? It kind of hurts my eyes to look at so I'm thinking sometime next week I'll put another blonde through it to make it look normal blonde. If my hair falls out... Well. I can pretend I shaved it for cancer or something.
So I've pretty much got two jobs. One is at Safeway and one is at McDonalds. Undeseriable, I know. What can you do in these uncertain times? Nothing. That's what you can do. I've always seemed to like my time at McDonalds so that should be okay. I'm kind of nervous about working at Safeway though. They seem to be very... Strict.
We'll see which one has the most money in it and go for it anyway! Both places are only able to give me 20 hours each so it's not like I'll be weird about working two jobs. I just hope they don't get jealous and fight with eachother.
Why can't everyone just get along???
Okay, so she was a best-friend's sister. But in the small town I grew up with it didn't matter how old they were, they're still your friends.
B died in a car accident with her two sisters in the car. The sister who is my age was driving. It's really tragic because it's not her fault. B wasn't wearing her seatbelt because they'd only just started driving. G wasn't speeding nor drinking. It's just a really tragic accident. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm going to look like a pig. I have a job interview before the funeral so they're going to think I'm gothic.
Perhaps they won't think I'm gothic. I looked in the mirror the other morning and squealed. I had a good 14 grey hairs just in the spot where hair turns to fringe. I cracked the shits and decided I would bleech the fuck out of my hair.
...
Still deciding if it was a mistake... It's kind of orange, but it's possibly an awesome orange? It kind of hurts my eyes to look at so I'm thinking sometime next week I'll put another blonde through it to make it look normal blonde. If my hair falls out... Well. I can pretend I shaved it for cancer or something.
So I've pretty much got two jobs. One is at Safeway and one is at McDonalds. Undeseriable, I know. What can you do in these uncertain times? Nothing. That's what you can do. I've always seemed to like my time at McDonalds so that should be okay. I'm kind of nervous about working at Safeway though. They seem to be very... Strict.
We'll see which one has the most money in it and go for it anyway! Both places are only able to give me 20 hours each so it's not like I'll be weird about working two jobs. I just hope they don't get jealous and fight with eachother.
Why can't everyone just get along???
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