Everyone talks about how this act of "exercise" creates some kind of invigoration and releases endorphins, making you feel more energetic and less depressed.
Well, I don't feel it. It may be the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but shit. I just feel FUCKED after I exercise. My depression has spiraled in the past couple of weeks, when I've been going to the gym more. I've cried at work twice in 2 weeks because of stress.
I don't think the exercise thing is working on me.
The problem might be that I work too hard at it? My heart rate gets up to 29 (in 10 seconds I think) and the instructor tells me to settle down. If I do less, I feel lazy. There's 80yos there working their butts off and I'm supposed to be settling down, it doesn't sound right.
So I have a fast heart rate maybe, is there something I can do about that?
I'm not losing any weight, but I am feeling skinnier so I don't want to leave it just yet. I just don't want to be tired anymore.
'Night
Monday, August 11, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Motherhood
I'm a very clucky person. A couple of years ago I decided that I wouldn't actively *try* to get pregnant unless I had a really good reason for bringing a human life into the world. I also decided that "I just want a baby" isn't enough.
But is it?
Why do people have children?
I've thought of a couple of scenarios. One, which is most common to me, is that there are so many motherly hormones running through their brain screaming "If I don't hold my own spawn in the next 9 months I will DIE". This, I suppose, is a natural instinct for young women. It comes back from the old days when you were *supposed* to be married with 3 children by the time you were my age.
Two is because they have issues. I don't think this one applies to me, but I assume some people have babies so that they have *something* to love. People who weren't hugged enough as children and don't have a loving partner might fall into this category. They want something that is entirely theirs so that they can smother it with all the love they desire and hope that they will unconditionally get it back.
Three is to trap somebody into a relationship with them. This one definitely doesn't apply to me (OR DOES IT??). I heard it on Dr Phil. This girl was with a guy who totally didn't want to marry her or anything, but when she got pregnant he respectfully asked her to marry her. This is such a wrong reason for wanting a child. The child is then merely a fragment holding two people together. It is not the center of their worlds. It is the keeper.
So, out of those three, there is no great a holy explanation for wanting to have a child. What other legitimate reasons are there? I don't want to be in my late 30s before I realise what the perfect reason for having a child is.
Maybe the reason to have a child is that you have found the person you love and want to put your DNA with his and create something wonderful. That seems like an okay reason to me.
Either way there's no fucking way in hell they're putting a big motherfucking needle in my SPINE! Natural for me.
But is it?
Why do people have children?
I've thought of a couple of scenarios. One, which is most common to me, is that there are so many motherly hormones running through their brain screaming "If I don't hold my own spawn in the next 9 months I will DIE". This, I suppose, is a natural instinct for young women. It comes back from the old days when you were *supposed* to be married with 3 children by the time you were my age.
Two is because they have issues. I don't think this one applies to me, but I assume some people have babies so that they have *something* to love. People who weren't hugged enough as children and don't have a loving partner might fall into this category. They want something that is entirely theirs so that they can smother it with all the love they desire and hope that they will unconditionally get it back.
Three is to trap somebody into a relationship with them. This one definitely doesn't apply to me (OR DOES IT??). I heard it on Dr Phil. This girl was with a guy who totally didn't want to marry her or anything, but when she got pregnant he respectfully asked her to marry her. This is such a wrong reason for wanting a child. The child is then merely a fragment holding two people together. It is not the center of their worlds. It is the keeper.
So, out of those three, there is no great a holy explanation for wanting to have a child. What other legitimate reasons are there? I don't want to be in my late 30s before I realise what the perfect reason for having a child is.
Maybe the reason to have a child is that you have found the person you love and want to put your DNA with his and create something wonderful. That seems like an okay reason to me.
Either way there's no fucking way in hell they're putting a big motherfucking needle in my SPINE! Natural for me.
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